But, with all due respect to George Lucas and A New Hope, Irvin Kershner’s The Empire Strikes Back is one of those singular cinematic follow-ups that manages to outshine the original film from which it was born.
Even though it looks to have a lot of replay value, wait until you’re old enough so as to not break any interplanetary laws.It's rare that a sequel lives up to its predecessor, and even rarer when it surpasses it. You’ll need to be 18 years or older to rent/buy/watch/lather/rinse/repeat Tokyo Species. And in the middle of said act of shame, sprouts a spear-like alien tentacle that pokes new portals in your face, back, front, and south of the belt buckle equator. As she’s lying on the ground in total disrepair, an alien finds its way into her body (they didn’t show that part, but one can only theorize as to the entry portal), and becomes the host for a creature that needs to mate – often. In Tokyo Species, whose trailer is not suitable for viewing at work, church, or the family breakfast table, Maria stars as a Japanese schoolgirl who appears to commit suicide by jumping off a building or a really tall building shaped ladder.
Maria, daughter of a Japanese woman and a Canadian dude (hold the jokes, you insensitive jokesters), is best known for her dramatic role in 2009’s Monster Swallowing Ecstasy and the just-released Erotibot (2011), another X-rated sci-fi film, this one involving pleasure robots designed to improve the quality of life for the starring actresses. There are not enough poems in the world to express my happiness right now. Now, 17 years later, the movie is getting the proper treatment in the X-rated loose remake, Tokyo Species, starring 25 year-old adult film thespian, Maria Ozawa. Natasha Henstridge played the alien in human form, and had no problem taking her clothes off for the betterment of science. If Species was X-rated, though, it could’ve made one hundred trillion dollars. By cutting out the close-ups of the alien’s Uranus and just keeping the boobs and butts, they got an R-rating, which went a long way to scoring over $113 million smackaloons at the box office. If you think about it, Species, the smash hit sci-fi horror movie about a supermodel alien who has to mate (i.e., do it) with an Earth dude, should’ve been X-rated.
0 kommentar(er)
